um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
