If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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