I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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