wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a beard to bite.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
