What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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