dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
