hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
