So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
