meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
