Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
