This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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