i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
