We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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