My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's like heaven, but drunker
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
