i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
