You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
