Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
