I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
