Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
