Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
