Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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