also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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