i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
