i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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