Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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