i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
