If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
