So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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