I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
