Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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