I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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