U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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