I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
