i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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