just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
