His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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