Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
