apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
