I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
