stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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