dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
