Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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