i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dick very happy bro
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
