Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
