I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry about my life...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
