Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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