In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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