You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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