I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
