We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
